07-04-2015, 01:06 AM
(07-03-2015, 02:26 AM)Alexearth Wrote: Hey there,
This is set around Canal Saint-Martin, in Paris. Tell me what you think-
"The Canal bares its emerald scales in the pale leftovers of the day- by its waterside
the Faubourg rooftop, sharp Mansard shadow against the dusk, lingers on
with shifting crowds; endless witness to Apache nights waking."
Hi Alex,
Firstly an overall comment about the poem itself: I found it effective in terms of scenery description however lacking in any real though provoking ideas or meaning. BUT you can claim that's not what is being aimed for. I did enjoy calm tone and feeling the poem had.
L1: I found this a vivid image and could see clearly what was being described. Like the canal was a scaled animal. Why are the leftovers pale? Is the to give the impression that the day has been drained?
L2 and L3: There's not really much being said here in these lines I would have rather something that had more impact in terms of imagery but from what was said the word choice is not bad. The bit I most enjoyed of these lines was the ending "endless witness to Apache nights waking."