Faubourg at eve

[Alexearth]

Hi, Alex, for me this started with a bang but then fell apart.
L1:"The Canal bares its emerald scales in the pale leftovers of the day" is lovely and a strong image but then I'm not sure why evening (?) lowers the canal, tides?. Ok if that's correct I got there. "by its waterside" seem to hang there, I might prefer it dropped down.
L2: It might be clearer with "with its" after rooftop, but again you start with a strong image, but then Mansard being capitalized confuses me and I never do get my footing again.
L3: Huh? I'm lost.
So in summary, there's plenty to like but it doesn't get me anywhere. Hope this helps.

Hey there,
This is set around Canal Saint-Martin, in Paris. Tell me what you think-
"The Canal bares its emerald scales in the pale leftovers of the day- by its waterside
the Faubourg rooftop, sharp Mansard shadow against the dusk, lingers on
with shifting crowds; endless witness to Apache nights waking."

Hey Ellajam,

thanks for your message. To answer what you are telling me:

I got this impression that the water shines more while the sun is setting, tell me if you think it's true!

For the capitalized "Mansard", I always wondered if it should be capitalized or not, as it actually comes from the name of François Mansart.

For the last line, what is bothering you? I thought of replacing "shifting" by "spreading". The "endless witness" still refers to the rooftop, maybe not the best structure, a suggestion?



Alex