Like a Dog (REV 4)

[danny_]

Like a Dog (REV 2)

Unlike people,
dogs don’t have to linger. 
When they grow old and lame,  
helpless and broken, we hold on, at first i thought "we hold on" was about our enduring. maybe hold them close or hold tight? also consider less 'tell' words and more imagery, so show us the age, the slow walking, the difficulty even getting on all fours, the gray hair, and what helpless looks like
offer a comforting touch,
as they’re put down.  you could describe the caress through the fur to imply comforting touch

My sister would rather have died like a dog.
I really wish she could have  
had a warm hand to guide her,  the line break after could have seems like the end of statement "i really wish she could have. " but continues with "had..."
kept cancer from catching her
all alone, its spider-like fingers catching her all alone touches the heart, as i imagine a person going through something like this alone. 
disguised by the shadows. i'm unsure of how it is disguised, what shadows? sorry might just be me

Unlike a dog,
my sister had to linger. i like the last line. "unlike a dog" seems a little bland. i mean the message is a very good point to be made but could be made less matter of factly perhaps? it would require some thinking.

This seems like a different work altogether. I'll critique this latest one, but I have to say the first one has a different potential that I like too.You might make two poems. This Rev2 is more serious and I like the work so far. Also I think it's great that you do the flood writing first, I will always swear by that method to get a poem started, or even unstuck when you need to really just sit down and get to the bottom of it without worrying about form. Kinda like molding clay, we mold our writing from a large clump into a clean form.