07-01-2015, 07:40 AM
YO, queen C-
I wonder why I don't see more of this in your other work.
You take risks, you spin good images, you twist it at the end.
"affecting a multitude of moths" sounds cool but lacks force. Also, I'm not sure what the moths are doing, just as I thought they were trapped, you have them fluttering away, when "but...." implies that they're headed for the web (not away).
The introduction of the snakes at the end nearly blows it for me. Why not stick with spiders? They eat their offspring, too.
I think you need to re-work the end to be more concise. Something about the wording confuses me. (Maybe I'll figure what is confusing me on another go-around)...
Very promising one, this is.
... Mark
OK - thought about it a little more and it's a matter of accuracy. That dang accuracy, again.
What is confusing me is that snakes, spiders, and other creatures that eat their kind, usually do so before those offspring can grow into princesses. And certainly before the offspring can bear a legacy. (Or, maybe I am truly just confused). Now I'll have to look it up...
The slow death part is OK... (well, not literally OK, but you know what I mean).
Also, what's with the title? Doesn't work for me....
Would like to say more but it's time to watch the women play kick ball (Women's World Cup - USA v GERMANY)
... Mark
I wonder why I don't see more of this in your other work.
You take risks, you spin good images, you twist it at the end.
"affecting a multitude of moths" sounds cool but lacks force. Also, I'm not sure what the moths are doing, just as I thought they were trapped, you have them fluttering away, when "but...." implies that they're headed for the web (not away).
The introduction of the snakes at the end nearly blows it for me. Why not stick with spiders? They eat their offspring, too.
I think you need to re-work the end to be more concise. Something about the wording confuses me. (Maybe I'll figure what is confusing me on another go-around)...
Very promising one, this is.
... Mark
OK - thought about it a little more and it's a matter of accuracy. That dang accuracy, again.
What is confusing me is that snakes, spiders, and other creatures that eat their kind, usually do so before those offspring can grow into princesses. And certainly before the offspring can bear a legacy. (Or, maybe I am truly just confused). Now I'll have to look it up...
The slow death part is OK... (well, not literally OK, but you know what I mean).
Also, what's with the title? Doesn't work for me....
Would like to say more but it's time to watch the women play kick ball (Women's World Cup - USA v GERMANY)
... Mark