Like a Dog (REV 4)

[ellajam]

Hey qd-


There is no intended meter, as this one just popped out... like a journal entry (with line breaks).  The journal entry observation is quite right.

I have to say this read as more of a rant than a poem for me. It seems to have no emotional core, yeah, chores are a pain in the ass, babies need diaper changes and gardens need their weeds pulled.

You might want to try writing it from the dog's POV to breathe a little life in it, just a suggestion to shake it up a bit. Or stand up strongly if you resent that all that works leads only to grief with no redeeming value, if that's what you want to express. As is it pretty much leaves me with nothing. Sorry if this is a bit of a light critique for Serious, but that's all I got. I'm sure you can do something with the idea, but right now I think there's more work to do on your end before it's ready for to be poked at. Good luck with it.