06-25-2015, 02:39 PM
Thank you both for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Ambrosial:
I wrote this after listening to an interview of a comedian who said he had something of a transcendent moment after walking a blind friend of his fathers to the convenience store when he was ten years old. Before that, he was deathly shy, always looking inwards, but talking to the blind man seemed to make him open up for some reason. I think the structure of the poem was sort of influenced by the rest of the interview (probably to it's detriment), where he said he never liked jokes that tried too hard to be clever. I think I will play around with the ordering of this one like you recommend.
Leaves were just leaves, I don't think it really contradicts the duck thing because I think I can remember seeing some ducks in early autumn one time. I could be wrong though.
Mark:
Yes, this is very "prosey". I've never been good at using line breaks to augment a poem like I've seen many on here do. I'll try and make some improvements in that regard.
I definitely agree, that it would be strange for that to be the first thing for a blind person to say to a stranger. I may add some small talk before hand to make it all a little more natural.
Ambrosial:
I wrote this after listening to an interview of a comedian who said he had something of a transcendent moment after walking a blind friend of his fathers to the convenience store when he was ten years old. Before that, he was deathly shy, always looking inwards, but talking to the blind man seemed to make him open up for some reason. I think the structure of the poem was sort of influenced by the rest of the interview (probably to it's detriment), where he said he never liked jokes that tried too hard to be clever. I think I will play around with the ordering of this one like you recommend.
Leaves were just leaves, I don't think it really contradicts the duck thing because I think I can remember seeing some ducks in early autumn one time. I could be wrong though.
Mark:
Yes, this is very "prosey". I've never been good at using line breaks to augment a poem like I've seen many on here do. I'll try and make some improvements in that regard.
I definitely agree, that it would be strange for that to be the first thing for a blind person to say to a stranger. I may add some small talk before hand to make it all a little more natural.