short & thweet

[wordancer]

jay bird glissandos
sharp grace notes, staccato crows
cool blue sheet music

I too, like your 'cool blue sheet music' and feel that the second version has better images, especially the alliteration from L1 to L2.  A couple of suggestions for consideration, to use, lose or play with.  The 'staccato' seems to be too much/intense and clashes with lovely glissandos gliding.  While L3 is now just 4 syllables, it is ok and fine to do that with today's haiku     Though, the L3 could read, 'the blues sheet music' to maintain the 5/7/5, but I don't feel that 'the' is really needed as it is implied.  A very nice haiku.

jay bird glissandos
gliding by staccato crows   (gliding by black-noted crows)
cool blue sheet music   (the blues sheet music}