06-24-2015, 11:44 PM
In regards to 'I do haiku'…and you do it well. Welcome to the site Mark! I love blue jays, but their calls are a bit cacophonous.
You have some interesting word choices. You usually don’t see ‘grace’ used as an adjective. Do you need it?
Can something else be substituted like: pure/poised/fine/clear/clean (if you need to maintain syllable count)?
Most of the Pro's here have dropped the 5/7/5 convention.
I saw the ‘sheet’ music as a backdrop and like it, but if you want the closer to be more audible,
perhaps something like ‘jazz’ music would work. See what you think.
There are a lot of really good short form poets on this site, (including billy, Ambrosial R, TigertheLion, RayH, Just Mercedes, to name a few).
So this is a good forum to learn from.
All the best with your edit./Chris
You have some interesting word choices. You usually don’t see ‘grace’ used as an adjective. Do you need it?
Can something else be substituted like: pure/poised/fine/clear/clean (if you need to maintain syllable count)?
Most of the Pro's here have dropped the 5/7/5 convention.
I saw the ‘sheet’ music as a backdrop and like it, but if you want the closer to be more audible,
perhaps something like ‘jazz’ music would work. See what you think.
There are a lot of really good short form poets on this site, (including billy, Ambrosial R, TigertheLion, RayH, Just Mercedes, to name a few).
So this is a good forum to learn from.
All the best with your edit./Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris