06-24-2015, 04:32 AM
Hello revelation-
I love short form pieces and I like tis one in particular.
I'm not sure you need the "-" in L.1.
The line break from L.2 to L.3 is perfect, and it's a necessary touch in a poem this short.
I'm OK (ok?) with "i" not being capitalized in L.2 as it helps diminish the importance of YOU (you), which fits well with "lost" in L.3.
Since I'm always looking to the night sky, too, I can relate easily to this poem.
I'll go as far as to say that I view the "lost" in L.3 as a good thing, like being lost in thought or lost in a good book. I should lose myself more often.
I get a whole lot out of a little. And if I'm reading more into this than you intended, then good! That said, the only thing I'd suggest changing is losing the "-" in L.1.
Thanks!
... Mark
I love short form pieces and I like tis one in particular.
I'm not sure you need the "-" in L.1.
The line break from L.2 to L.3 is perfect, and it's a necessary touch in a poem this short.
I'm OK (ok?) with "i" not being capitalized in L.2 as it helps diminish the importance of YOU (you), which fits well with "lost" in L.3.
Since I'm always looking to the night sky, too, I can relate easily to this poem.
I'll go as far as to say that I view the "lost" in L.3 as a good thing, like being lost in thought or lost in a good book. I should lose myself more often.
I get a whole lot out of a little. And if I'm reading more into this than you intended, then good! That said, the only thing I'd suggest changing is losing the "-" in L.1.
Thanks!
... Mark