Fever Prayer

[Animal Riots Activist]

Thank you all for the comments. It seems my main problem was intentionally breaking meter, which functioned did not function as I intended at all. I've been tooling around with it, and what would people think about changing the meter of those last two stanzas (from 'the sun was my...' down) into either trochees or anapests? I definitely want it to be sectioned off from the rest of the poem metrically, clearly dropping meter entirely doesn't function well.

As for individual comments, Billy: two spuns is definitely too much spinning. And it seems both you and mark had the same idea to make the last stanza into a haiku, but I'm definitely going to have to overhaul there, and still I think dropping the meter there is too jarring.

Forest: I definitely appreciate the re tooling of the last stanza, and I'll have to work on it some more, but your comments are very helpful to that effect.

Mark: The idea to put the last stanza into haiku is a nice one, but I'll need to do more work on it myself. Your in depth comments are a great help, thanks!

I'm going to have to sit with this one for a while longer before I edit it, but I definitely appreciate yalls help!
-Em