06-23-2015, 08:30 AM
A lot of comments I refuse to read...most. I did see the "blisters" is not noun thing. Here is a back handed compliment. "Blisters" is a noun in the first line, but not in the second. That is if the first line were read as a sentence, "blisters" reads as a noun. So in a way it creates a double meaning sentence, just not in he way enjambment is suppose to. Is it clever? Yes. Is it cute? Yes. It is also disruptive to the reading and offers nothing beyond being clever or cute. Which means that outside of a line (s) for humor it only offers nonsense.
The second sentence gives little in the way of meaning or instruction as it relates to the first sentence, assuming we go ahead an interpret it as mean a fancy way of saying an outburst of words. The second sentence indicates that it has elicited anger in another and at the moment is restraining that anger, i.e. "white knuckles". Here is what we are not told. Here is what we are not given: CONTEXT. Before a response on this, it is quite possible to read "stiff drink" as part of this overly crafted and somewhat disjointed metaphor the same as the rest of the poem, although context is not "the scene". No, what we are missing for this to be more than air is some idea about what was said, at least in a general way, that it would elicit the angry response and though I think I am giving more credit than is due, even where this a new telling of the old adage of "anger begets anger" it would still require more substance.
So what is left? There is the cutesy enjambment which I think may have only been a typo, with "on" left out on the second line (which then would make the enjambment only a poor usage, not a completely out of bounds usage). Thus bring the thing down to: Someone shot off his mouth and someone else got angry, but so far hasn't done anything. Name a night in any town of size where this does not happen.
I would suggest moving this to short form, but will leave that in Tom's hands and just add my vote
Dale
OH, I did just read that last post before mine. If it is a gun why not write.
White knuckled hand
clutching the grip
of cold (unless it's been fired) steel
without
feeling.
I'm all for the sake of terseness, but not at the sake of clarity. BTW This is also the only way you can make it clear to the reader that this is not a metaphor. Don't be so terse it takes out the necessary elements. Also, I have never heard a gun referred to as "hot steel". If anything it might be said it was "burning steel" because the barrel had gotten so hot from multiple firings touching it would burn you.
Dale
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Oh never mind, I read back up through your comments and apparently stiff drink=gun. Are you sure you're not making this up as you go?
Dale
The second sentence gives little in the way of meaning or instruction as it relates to the first sentence, assuming we go ahead an interpret it as mean a fancy way of saying an outburst of words. The second sentence indicates that it has elicited anger in another and at the moment is restraining that anger, i.e. "white knuckles". Here is what we are not told. Here is what we are not given: CONTEXT. Before a response on this, it is quite possible to read "stiff drink" as part of this overly crafted and somewhat disjointed metaphor the same as the rest of the poem, although context is not "the scene". No, what we are missing for this to be more than air is some idea about what was said, at least in a general way, that it would elicit the angry response and though I think I am giving more credit than is due, even where this a new telling of the old adage of "anger begets anger" it would still require more substance.
So what is left? There is the cutesy enjambment which I think may have only been a typo, with "on" left out on the second line (which then would make the enjambment only a poor usage, not a completely out of bounds usage). Thus bring the thing down to: Someone shot off his mouth and someone else got angry, but so far hasn't done anything. Name a night in any town of size where this does not happen.
I would suggest moving this to short form, but will leave that in Tom's hands and just add my vote
Dale
OH, I did just read that last post before mine. If it is a gun why not write.
White knuckled hand
clutching the grip
of cold (unless it's been fired) steel
without
feeling.
I'm all for the sake of terseness, but not at the sake of clarity. BTW This is also the only way you can make it clear to the reader that this is not a metaphor. Don't be so terse it takes out the necessary elements. Also, I have never heard a gun referred to as "hot steel". If anything it might be said it was "burning steel" because the barrel had gotten so hot from multiple firings touching it would burn you.
Dale
________________________________________________________________________________________
Oh never mind, I read back up through your comments and apparently stiff drink=gun. Are you sure you're not making this up as you go?
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.