Stiff Drink

[cjchaffin]

hiya mark,

i love short poems, that whole "say a lot with a few words" concept really works for me. 
and i like the ambiguity here...you as the writer obviously have a scenario in mind 
but this could be interpreted any number of ways.

that said, i do have a few nits:

Stiff Drink

An outburst of outrageous red blisters the adjectives don't add anything here; why not just say "a burst of red"?
the ceiling. White knuckled hand the line break here/attempt at enjambment doesn't work for me, try "blisters the ceiling," and move "white knuckled hand" on its own (i would also hyphenate "white knuckled")
clutching hot steel clutches, maybe?
without these last two could be combined, no need for one-word lines here, it just feels like an unnatural stretch of breath
feeling.


… mb

thanks for indulging me. like i said, the ambiguity is nice...i get something different each time i read it.