Stiff Drink

[QDeathstar]

Stiff Drink

An outburst of outrageous red blisters I like the line break. This line is read a complete thought, then, when read with the next line, becomes a different complete thought. I think you capture the moment strong liquor hits your mouth quite well. I suspext this was the original line that popped into your heard when you started writing this.
the ceiling. White knuckled hand
clutching hot steel
without
feeling.


the next sentence is a lot less successful though. I agree with Todd about white knuckles being cliche... hot steel doesn't really work for me either.. I feel that hot steel has too many positive connotations to be used to describe potential danger in a peice this short.. when I think of hot steel, I think of building something timeless and strong... not getting inebriated.

finally, I think "without feeling" is a little too telling (not enough showing) compared to the rest of the poem.

… mb