Out My Window

[milo]

Milo, I'm always a bit cautious about commenting on sonnets and other poems that have a meter because I have no understanding of the rules of how it should go. Also I think that most the time people are wanting critique on the meter so I usually leave it to others. Basically I'm saying, sorry for not mentioning the meter but I have left a couple of thoughts on the content.

well, I wouldn't avoid commenting.  I am rarely looking for comments on meter.  A poem really needs to work the same whether the meter is there or not in my opinion. Mostly, I hate rhyming couplets myself, this is one of the very few poems that I used them in.

Out My Window


Out my window I can see
the rolling grass, an ancient tree
the wind that blows so freely through it --- Is it possible to see the wind? Or is it the effects of the wind? 

thank you for making me /facepalm myself.  Of course you can't see the wind!

[/b]


as if to say there's nothing to it, --- Should there be quotation marks round 'there's nothing to it', I can't quite decide if the 'as if' part makes it not necessary

a statue of a man and horse
but they don't move at all, of course --- I loved this line, it reminds me a little bit of Lewis Carroll "the sea was wet" - also it fits the type of character in the poem perfectly
and, not today, but on days gone
some squirrels have flirted on the lawn.

There is a lady just behind me --- On the first read this didn't click with me that he/she was still looking out the window, perhaps some kind of way of reminding the reader or saying that it is a reflection of the lady 
and every day she says - don't mind me
she gets the bed sheets and the light
then rolls my chair just slightly right

so she can clean beneath the wheels
and on that table, leaves my meals. --- I think these two lines are brilliant as the last lines and I really wasn't expecting them, so the fact that I had laughed at the statue not moving made this ending have more impact 

I really enjoyed reading it. Being led from an idyllic scenario to something tinged with a hint of sadness was unexpected and works well. I struggled to find anything wrong with the content so what I've left is just nitpicking really.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

I am glad it worked for you.  It was one of the NaPM poems that I thought might work in the outside world.

Thanks for reading and commenting.