The Magic Cottage
#3
(06-18-2015, 04:18 AM)Keith Wrote:  Lodged between the humps,
Camel carried not spilling a drop
I gulped and gasped for freshness
searching for lay lines with blind rabbits.

The candles have been stealing light
with knowledge of how short a life can be
when wrinkles pool before they run.

Imagine then on sun-baked stone
climbing high inside the rose,
thatched for a welcome nest,
wattle daubs warmth
south facing over its step.

In this place there is light enough
for all creatures to turn their faces.
In this place there is enough.
Thanks for the wonderful read Keith. Glad this is in miscel so I don't need to say much other than I loved it.
Strophe 2 is gut-wrenching - you may want to slow it down with some commas, purely to give the reader time to breath it in. The last strophe is wonderfully crafted. So difficult to end lines without little dangling words. Well done.
Paul
Reply


Messages In This Thread
The Magic Cottage - by Keith - 06-18-2015, 04:18 AM
RE: The Magic Cottage - by Merrikay - 06-18-2015, 04:52 AM
RE: The Magic Cottage - by Keith - 06-28-2015, 04:37 AM
RE: The Magic Cottage - by Tiger the Lion - 06-18-2015, 04:52 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!