Time's Dance

[ellajam]

Past, present, future.
Our lives, an eternal dance,
and time's the prima.

Although I like the title and L2 I don't like dance being used twice in such a short piece. I think you could lose L1 if you keep the title, just another way of saying time, maybe you could use curtain up and encore or something related to a ballet. Or you could change the title. Love the last line.

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I see your point, but isn't past, present and future, just a way of measuring/labeling time? That's why I said I thought it seemed redundant, along with eternal, which encompasses all time. Not being a smart-a** here, just explaining my reasoning.

Think of how through time we move from the present into the future , leaving behind the past. There is an intimate relationship between the three. They move around each other, yet never are they one thing. In our lives we are participating,  for a short time, in the eternal dance of present moving to future and leaving past...a dance which is centered on time itself,  and how we participate in it. Thanks for the feedback though

Wearing my mod hat, she said she understands, she just doesn't like the line. No need to explain again, use the crit or not, your choice, but each member's read is their own.