Sonnet Thingy About Love

[ellajam]

Found the sonnet practice thread, and i vowed to write a freaking sonnet. Just didn't turn out too good. This is my first real attempt at any sort of meter or rhyming scheme, so that's most what i was focusing on. Afraid the actual words don't make much sense...



My love for thee you do not dare compare.
So who is it that I love, if not you?
This confusion is such that I can’t bear.
You don’t love me, so if not you then who?
This is not pain more than a sense of dread,
for the next time your name comes up…JUST STOP!
Your face rattles around inside my head,
for everything else you must have just caught.
The friends, the music and even the math,
is gone in place of just a dumb young girl.
Oh God I feel I need to take a bath.
If I don’t calm I think I may just hurl.
I have to think of something that's not you,
I have to think of something that’s not blue.

So, can I assume you are aiming for IP? If so, I think you're having a problem I often have, poetic wishful thinking.

Are you saying So WHO is IT that I love, IF not YOU? I can say it like that, but I would not naturally. I would say. so WHO is it THAT i LOVE if not YOU? If you use more multisyllabic words it may be easier not to fall into that. Take "The friends, the music and even the math,"
The friends, the music, even the math,
is iambic, just short a foot.

I hope you continue to work at this, for me it has been a fun and interesting journey with frequent pitfalls and an occasional triumph. I enjoyed the girl/hurl rhyme.