Surrender to me

[Magpie]

Mr. Creosote,

Thanks for the explanation, it seems that my reading of it was pretty much spot on in the overall sense, it was more to do with the actual specifics where I was left wondering somewhat. It makes sense now with how you've explained it now, however if you were to use a metaphor to symbolise this world that you are describing I think that this would tie it all together and enable it to work better as a poem.

The mention of Sisyphus is interesting because this is the kind of scenario that you could use as the metaphor. The image of pushing a rock up a hill and the inevitability of it rolling back down again ready for the whole process to be repeated with seemingly no purpose or end is an image that would definitely work in this scenario. Although the Sisyphus concept has been used already as a metaphor so perhaps something similar, unless of course you come up with an entirely original way of using it. It doesn't even have to be an edit of this poem as such, it could be a new poem with the same ideas but an entirely different way of tying it together.

Thanks,

Mark