06-13-2015, 08:00 AM
I finally found the one to call mine,
who likens me to a drink of fine wine:
Complicated.
Still, he prefers me for the quality,
miraculously. With him, I am free.
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Hey everyone! This is my first poem to post (ever, anywhere : )
I have some issues with it, but most notably (for me) is the cliche "I am free," but that's the exact feeling I'm trying to express: freedom to be oneself, unencumbered, etc. And of course, the rhyme works, but I'm afraid it looks like I used it simply [because[/i] the rhyme works. In any case, suggestions for that issue are welcome, as well as other feedback!
who likens me to a drink of fine wine:
Complicated.
Still, he prefers me for the quality,
miraculously. With him, I am free.
-----
Hey everyone! This is my first poem to post (ever, anywhere : )
I have some issues with it, but most notably (for me) is the cliche "I am free," but that's the exact feeling I'm trying to express: freedom to be oneself, unencumbered, etc. And of course, the rhyme works, but I'm afraid it looks like I used it simply [because[/i] the rhyme works. In any case, suggestions for that issue are welcome, as well as other feedback!