Life of a day

[Magpie]

Hey Mark,

I have to be honest, I have trouble understanding why the "dies into the somber evening" part is such a complication, but that's probably just my lack of distance and perspective with the poem. Though the day dies, there is still something that continues afterwards in my opinion, so for me it is weird to finish on the death.

I was thinking of replacing "somber" by "abandoned" due to the disappearance of life (the chattering). I want the evening to be sad, somber, like the feeling of losing someone, the feeling of loneliness. I know this is hard by the minimalism of the poem.

Anyway I'm glad that there is so much feedback, I was thinking of putting this poem in the serious workshopping section.

Thanks again!


Alex

Hi Alex,

I think that the reason I believe it should end with the 'death/silence' aspect is because that I initially saw the whole poem as a metaphor for a human lifespan although it could have been a lifespan of anything. Although like I said in my last comment I was starting to wonder if it was your intention to have it as a metaphor, which I now know that it wasn't your intention. With such a short poem I would think that a lot of people may be inclined to see it as a metaphor, however seeing as though I'm the only one from the people who have commented then I'm probably wrong in that aspect.

Either way, I still like the poem and as you have said it's a good thing to get a lot of feedback.

Thanks for the discussion,

Mark