That terrible day.

[billy]

try to use fewer intangibles what pain? a broken leg, a ruptured lung, show us the pain.
at present the poem feel very weak. it's a story that needs some original images. how is she standing

Their house is the same as all the years.

Time they spent building a life & dreams. so [their house hadn't changed in years]
Good times and bad, many happy and full. this adds little
He was an honest man, a good man all told. and this feels out of place/sinc

A recent poem I wrote, I hope it makes sense as to what's going on in this poem as perhaps that's what this poem is really about, taking the reader to the concluding stanza with a curiosity that's never really satisfied or have I completely missed that, thanks for any critique,  


That terrible day.

Putting his glass back on the shelf,
Shaking Hand, tears run down.
She's done it a thousand times before.
Today is so different, it's just a glass.

Cars outside still passing by, [are they driving very slow?] cars passing by
Drivers unaware of the pain inside. no real need for [driver's] or [inside]
Frozen with fear of seeing any more, this cliche weakens the line/stanza
Items of his, everywhere she goes.

Their house is the same as all the years.
Time they spent building a life & dreams.
Good times and bad, many happy and full.
He was an honest man, a good man all told.

Today the same house holds pain.
yesterday like before, all was well.
The usual struggle to pay the bills,
It was an unusual time for the doorbell to ring.

Standing there, her best friend Lil.
Police car outside, time stood still.
They both know this is a terrible day,
It can't be true, please don't say.