Clockwerk

[ChristopherSea]

Milo,

I remember your original post and I love this poem.
I appreciate the steampunk atmosphere and theme. If there
is a way of making a reversed 'e' in clockwerk, I would do it.
I do have a couple suggestions after this particular reading.

There's a bit of an uncomfortable gap between 'It fails.' and 'Now...'
I am not sure you need it and I am not certain what the 'Now' adds.
What about: 'It fails, then people separate from time...' There may
be better continuity without the full stop. I may not appreciate
the dramatic pause.

'The last line of the octave has a double negative sound and quality
with the 'no' and 'not.' If you replace the not with 'when,' you may impart
a better sound and/or provide a more accurate description of the traffic light purpose.
See if you think so as well.

The final line in your sestet is lovely, but does it have to begin with 'So...?'
The word is always a bit weak. What about something like 'Once clockwerk minuets...'

Regardless of further edits, this is a superior piece. Thanks for sharing it again./Chris