06-09-2015, 12:14 AM
Todd, I love the title and the idea that you have here, but I have to admit that I am a little lost on this one. Nonetheless, see if my observations yield anything of use to you:
Observations of the Chief Medical Examiner
Naked as a whisper
a confession
you strain to catch—
secrets scraped
from the skin beneath
her nails, the red
stippling across the shoulders.
Caught unaware
like with a nightmare test
you forgot,
in the class
you didn’t attend,
noticing that you aren’t
wearing clothes.
It’s the exposure
punctuated by flies
on the dying
grass. A smile turned
feral leaving
tiny kisses on the skin,
to be uncovered
by my hands.
:
-Is the ‘you’ in the first stanza the medical examiner? I assume ‘her’ is the victim.
-In stanza 2, who is the ‘you’?
-Why are you (‘me’) in the close?
Todd, I fear that I may not have not offered you much, but I hope that some of my probing helps you with your next edit. It is great to see you on site more! Thanks/Chris
Observations of the Chief Medical Examiner
Naked as a whisper
a confession
you strain to catch—
secrets scraped
from the skin beneath
her nails, the red
stippling across the shoulders.
Caught unaware
like with a nightmare test
you forgot,
in the class
you didn’t attend,
noticing that you aren’t
wearing clothes.
It’s the exposure
punctuated by flies
on the dying
grass. A smile turned
feral leaving
tiny kisses on the skin,
to be uncovered
by my hands.
:
-Is the ‘you’ in the first stanza the medical examiner? I assume ‘her’ is the victim.
-In stanza 2, who is the ‘you’?
-Why are you (‘me’) in the close?
Todd, I fear that I may not have not offered you much, but I hope that some of my probing helps you with your next edit. It is great to see you on site more! Thanks/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris