06-08-2015, 01:29 PM
I don't really deal in meter all that much; it usually just gives me headaches. But I decided to challenge myself with this one. Definitely I think the meter needs polishing, and also comment on the efficacy of the metric aside in the last two stanzas if your so inclined.
Fever Prayer
I danced around the fringes of
depression in the road; I sailed.
My soul spun in a circle dance,
the moon's cadenza twirl.
The trees across the road were turned
a centrifugal way.
Cold spheres condensed into my palms
and chest; old pewter globes that I
would pull towards my heart so I
might faster whirl in step.
The whisper cracks in asphalt spun
kaleidoscopically.
Astrology dissatisfies,
but still...
the sun was my core and
my freckles constellations,
until the light dissolved.
Fever Prayer
I danced around the fringes of
depression in the road; I sailed.
My soul spun in a circle dance,
the moon's cadenza twirl.
The trees across the road were turned
a centrifugal way.
Cold spheres condensed into my palms
and chest; old pewter globes that I
would pull towards my heart so I
might faster whirl in step.
The whisper cracks in asphalt spun
kaleidoscopically.
Astrology dissatisfies,
but still...
the sun was my core and
my freckles constellations,
until the light dissolved.
-"You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital."
--"A hospital? What is it?"
-"It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now."
--"A hospital? What is it?"
-"It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now."