The Ranch Fence (re-write of The Fence)

[onepapa]

Wow, what a great piece.  The imagery is spot-on, I am right there on the farm with these characters.

That said, I think there is a little room for improvement.

~~~
Sun-greyed posts and sagging barbed wire
enforce the pasture's discipline.
great choices here - these lines take us right to the edge of the pasture, I can almost smell the manure. The word choice of "discipline" can fit with cows or people, metal does not discriminate.

Rusted barbs, still achingly sharp,
remind the cattle of what is, and what is not allowed.
These lines are a nice touch, reinforcing the discipline mentioned two lines ago.

Grandfather and I built that fence fifty years past.
"past" is old-fashioned, I think "ago" would work better here.

My back wet from driving pick and shovel
into hard packed earth,
placing fresh cut posts exactly where he pointed.
I understand wanting to make these statements tight and not include articles like "my back was wet..." etc. However, this results in a sentence fragment, which can be difficult for readers. Consider adding the "was" or adding an I action later in the sentence: "My back wet from driving ... , I placed fresh...."  Does that make sense?

My fingers like broken sticks from
stretching glistening barbed wire and
hammering the fastening staples,
fixing the wire in perfect lines.
Same issue as above, the lack of articles can be difficult.  Also, the word "broken" is simple, almost a bit too simple - I wonder if there are other options to evoke the same feeling - possible options: trampled, shattered, chewed, shredded - just a few options for a stronger image.

My Grandson suggests electronic collars
can tell cattle the boundary.
I hand him a wire stretcher and hammer
and remind him to bring work gloves.
Very nice final stanza.

I think in all this piece is very strong - a couple difficult spots for me as I mentioned with the articles. The imagery is there.
Very very nice work.
--E

Thank you for the great insights and comments. I will use them in the edits.

onepapa