06-06-2015, 11:54 PM
(06-06-2015, 11:57 AM)Wjames Wrote: I’ve heard the ocean through a shell,
and bought perfume to breathe her smell;
but without sand between my toes
or love to bind my earthly woes,
it’s just another night spent all alone.<--this last line just doesn't flow right for me...i might think about "another night spent all alone" or its just another night alone". Make the syllables match
I’ve watched a fireplace on TV,<--fireplace has too many syllables...somehow get one out of this line.
and kissed her pillow, tenderly;
but without flames to warm my bones
or lips to match the love I’ve shown,<--i might think about rewording this...i works, but it could work better
it’s just another night spent all alone.<--whatever you decide to do above, do it with this line too. Make them match.
Sometimes I feel like writing poetry and sometimes I watch Netflix. No judging.

