An Afternoon with a Friend

[Todd]

Hi Observer, Let me comment on the edit. I'm not sure if this is a good idea to do what I'm about to do. I don't want this to come across as "this is what you must do" but I plan to ignore your rhyme for now and simply pare the piece down to the raw essentials (as I see them obviously) so that you can get a sense of where the excess may be. You can of course disagree, and you probably should--but hopefully this will be helpful. I may move a few lines around.

Here goes:

EDIT: First revision below.
...

I often reminisce about an afternoon I spent with a friend. The title does this for you already

We were so close, she and I. -- Show the closeness don't declare it.
We’d sit cross-legged, face to face,
and simply watch time trickle by.
I asked her how she was feeling

but she’d look at me as if to say

“Do I look like I’m okay?”

Of course, we were both in a dark place.
She used to speak of shaving her scalp and setting off
to where no-one knew her by name or face.

We’d discuss piercings, tattoos, and dyeing hair.
I liked red and she liked blue.
I told her that, if she wanted a tattoo,

it’s something she should think about

because it can't be undone. --Moved down and condensed

She liked the idea of making a statement with her body.
I told her that, if she wanted a tattoo, 
it couldn't be undone.

We sat together on the sofa,
her head resting She would rest her head against my shoulder.
I liked these moments most.

Her restless spirit - its love of hair dyed blue,

or no hair at all – was content.
I remember not breathing so I could feel
the movement of her chest.

Sometimes I ponder the wise words of my friend.
I wonder if I could do the same thing:
shave my head, change my name,
just start walking
and shelve my past as if it were only
a book that I’d been reading.
She opened my eyes more than I opened hers.
I miss her dearly.

Just thoughts to consider.

Best,

Todd