06-06-2015, 07:40 PM
Thank you for sharing your poem 
A few things I noticed...
1)"But you were, are, my
First" seems a little awkward to me. I think you are trying to emphasize First but I might write it something like "But you were my first. You are(italics for emphasis) my First."
2)As it was mentioned before, it is unclear who "she" is
3)Why are you worried about a tattoo? What do they need to get past? You? An alcohol problem? You don't necessarily have to spell it out but maybe make it a little more clear for the reader.
4) This was also said before but I agree that the ending is a little weak. I would end it with a concrete statement instead of a question
Good luck and happy writing
A few things I noticed...
1)"But you were, are, my
First" seems a little awkward to me. I think you are trying to emphasize First but I might write it something like "But you were my first. You are(italics for emphasis) my First."
2)As it was mentioned before, it is unclear who "she" is
3)Why are you worried about a tattoo? What do they need to get past? You? An alcohol problem? You don't necessarily have to spell it out but maybe make it a little more clear for the reader.
4) This was also said before but I agree that the ending is a little weak. I would end it with a concrete statement instead of a question
Good luck and happy writing