06-06-2015, 02:51 PM
Hi Chris,
Sorry to respond so late, I've been a bit underwater
. Back now, at least as long as my IP lets me stay.
Cat Ear,
My cat's ears get extremely dirty all the time even though I clean them out often. But then the poor thing is quite the mess as he loses nearly all of his hair in the summer and looks like a big rat. It appears he is allergic to green grass. Anyway on to your critique. You are quite correct in your critique, however your corrections are generally just as bad as what I have. In he first instance they both leave incomplete sentences, which to tell the truth has always bothered me. I've often thought about this solution as it adds a half step which would mimic the dance step they might be using, that is if they are Scottish or Irish. The Welsh would probably use the ribbons to tie each other up, it was a fertility rite you know. Anyway, back to the poem. Here was the half step solution. Actually I see I've already changed it, so your solution works just fine, so we'll keep that. Good job.
they’d gather ‘round and a pole put down, the half step in on "and a", only pronounced as "anna".
deep in the ground, as a Maypole should. the half step here is on "as a", pronounced as "asa".
So if one reads "anna" and "asa" as diphthongs, that is as single syllables, it maintains the iambic tetrameter.
Oh yes, the dads thing. Yes I did it for the rhyme and also for the bounce, but it could easily be written as father, like so.
"The brawny lads and all their fathers." only and extra half foot, perfectly allowable. I'm sure Tom would like it better, as he tends to think everything should be seen through his viewpoint, he's very parochial in that way. You can take the boy out of the church, but you can't get the church out of his pants.
Tell me what you think and we will go with that and be done with it.
Feels free to jump in also Chris,
Thanks,
Dale
Sorry to respond so late, I've been a bit underwater
. Back now, at least as long as my IP lets me stay.Cat Ear,
My cat's ears get extremely dirty all the time even though I clean them out often. But then the poor thing is quite the mess as he loses nearly all of his hair in the summer and looks like a big rat. It appears he is allergic to green grass. Anyway on to your critique. You are quite correct in your critique, however your corrections are generally just as bad as what I have. In he first instance they both leave incomplete sentences, which to tell the truth has always bothered me. I've often thought about this solution as it adds a half step which would mimic the dance step they might be using, that is if they are Scottish or Irish. The Welsh would probably use the ribbons to tie each other up, it was a fertility rite you know. Anyway, back to the poem. Here was the half step solution. Actually I see I've already changed it, so your solution works just fine, so we'll keep that. Good job.
they’d gather ‘round and a pole put down, the half step in on "and a", only pronounced as "anna".
deep in the ground, as a Maypole should. the half step here is on "as a", pronounced as "asa".
So if one reads "anna" and "asa" as diphthongs, that is as single syllables, it maintains the iambic tetrameter.
Oh yes, the dads thing. Yes I did it for the rhyme and also for the bounce, but it could easily be written as father, like so.
"The brawny lads and all their fathers." only and extra half foot, perfectly allowable. I'm sure Tom would like it better, as he tends to think everything should be seen through his viewpoint, he's very parochial in that way. You can take the boy out of the church, but you can't get the church out of his pants.
Tell me what you think and we will go with that and be done with it.
Feels free to jump in also Chris,
Thanks,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.