An Afternoon with a Friend

[Todd]

Hi Observer,

Welcome to the site!

A better title for the piece might be "An Afternoon Spent With A Friend" The house part is a bit irrelevant. It is mostly observations about her, and what they also say about the speaker.

There is a poem in this but it feels like a very early draft. I think you need to pare it down so you can bring better clarity and emphasis to the piece.  

Be gentle; it's my first time (huehuehue)
...

I often reminisce about an afternoon I spent at a friend’s house.

We were so close, her and I.--she and I
We’d sit cross-legged, face to face,
and simply watch time trickle by.
We talked about everything.--Lines like this are what I mean by early first draft. They get you thinking in the right way to write but the line itself conveys very little. Everything should count more than this.
I asked her how she was feeling (without fail) every day
and every time she’d look wistfully at me
as if to say “Look at me! Do I look like I’m okay?”--Again even in fictionalized dialogue this is too many words for what you're expressing. Very little is said in three line.
Of course, we were both in a dark place.
She used to speak of shaving her scalp and setting off
to where no-one knew her by name or face.

She wanted to be lost in a sea of strangers.--This line and the one above convey the same idea. Pare back where you can.

We’d discuss piercings, tattoos, and dyeing hair.
I liked red and she liked blue.
I told her that, if she wanted a tattoo,
it’s really something she should think about
because once you’ve got it it’s there. Forever.--Another three lines that could be tightened.
She liked the idea of making a statement with her body.

Later on, we’d sit together on the sofa,
her head resting against my shoulder. And I liked these moments most
because she was resting too.
Her restless spirit, its love of hair dyed blue (or no hair at all) – was content.
She was at peace which was a rarity.
I remember trying not to breathe so I could feel
the rise and fall of her chest, and muse silently and with clarity.
She opened my eyes more than I opened hers.

At times I often ponder on the words of my wise friend.
I wonder longingly if I could do such a thing
as to shave my head and change my name
and merely just start walking.
Close up my past as if it were only
a book that I’d been reading.
But impulse, while attractive, is best treated cautiously.
I’m not my insightful friend.
And perception and thoughtfulness are qualities
I do not possess in abundance.

I'm sure you get the idea. I think you could develop this well. Less is more.

I hope the comments help.

Best,

Todd