Dreams Edit 1

[bob68]

Dreams

A restful slumber, memories relived
The sound of distant voices a mere echo.
Light, heat, a pleasant feeling on my cheek
Dreams of epic endeavours, and I’m the hero.

Past and present troubles, all but forgotten
As feathers cradle me like a mother’s breast.
A world of my own temperament, created.
These dreams of my making, they do caress.  

Yet, these things I see clearly crumble by reason
A world of my making impossible to realise.
They remain but dreams, a personal treason.
Lies hidden in plain sight, discovered in waking.

Time not regretted, but a break from reality
An escape from normality and the fears of mortality.

I like the idea and theme of writing a poem about dreams, but unfortunately I think you missed the mark on this one. However, I do see you have something here, and I suggest working on it some more. Some of the lines seem cryptic like, "They remain but dreams a personal treason" I have no idea what that means. Try to really dig deep within yourself and say what you want to say. I've found that's the best way to do it.  Also, you have these rhymes here and there like, reality, mortality, reason, treason. It comes across as trite. Sorry to be so hard on you, but I know you could do better. Best of luck.  Keep with it.