06-06-2015, 06:57 AM
It's a short poem obviously but i appreciate the conciseness and i think you've done a very good job at conveying your message.
For me after reading the 2nd line it feels like it's missing something, like the thought was not fully finished.
I also wonder about your use of punctuation. the commas seem very specific however i feel like it is a run on sentence and i want that interjection on some lines.
Definitely a good start!
For me after reading the 2nd line it feels like it's missing something, like the thought was not fully finished.
I also wonder about your use of punctuation. the commas seem very specific however i feel like it is a run on sentence and i want that interjection on some lines.
Definitely a good start!