Life of a day

[DivineMsEmm]

Hmm... if you're not going for the WHAM death - I'd change the "it died" to "it passed along ..." and then include the final line.
But if you want that POW - "IT DIED" is strong.
Nice!
--E

I think this piece is brilliant in its simplicity - however I think the last line is unnecessary. 
The day reaches a climax and dies... BANG... BOOM.  Adding "into the somber evening" almost insults the death of the day.
If you're looking for the WOW factor - the piece ends at "and dies."     

I think the title works, even though it is a bit bland for the strength of the poem - there is such meat in the poem, so much meaning in such a short piece - you want a title that can stand up to the work.  

Nice job.
--Emily

Interesting what you are saying here Emily, I was more visualizing the end of the day as a slow death, fading into the dark red and blue of the evening, followed by the silence, a peaceful yet melancholic day.
Thanks for the feedback!

Alex
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