06-06-2015, 03:20 AM
(06-05-2015, 07:56 AM)kingmicahde Wrote: I don't do this I said,Call me a dirty old man but I love this in its entirety and in its encapsulation. There is innocent/ informed intent here. Do I know this girl? See what I mean? Generic. Critique wise, no line by line as it flows almost without fault...though I could ask for the punctuation to be improved beyond the spontaneous (ie, were you writing this whilst being rogered?) expression of abandonment. After all, this is a poetry site, not a peep show. So, capitalising starts of lines when unnecessary is unnecessary and very confusing.
As he pulled my dress over my head.
This isn't me I sighed,
Before he stuck his tongue inside.
Softly, slowly he kissed me,
As if my mouth was the only place to be.
I don't even know you I fretted,
As certain parts of me wetted.
I decided to make an exception,
As I timorously stroked his erection.
I will regret this when we are finished,
With my dignity diminished.
Later, I'll tend to my self esteem.
For now, thanks for making me scream.
Alisha Bourland
The "I don't even know you I fretted line" is hopeless and loses rhythm almost like a catholic contraceptive. It NEEDS punctuation.
Overall, though, a great piece of selfless sexpression. Can you follow it?
Great restart on the site for a returning pilgrim(ess?) Alisha. I mean...who the hell wrote this? Help.
Best,
tectak

