thank you
#2
(06-05-2015, 07:56 AM)kingmicahde Wrote:  I don't do this I said,
As he pulled my dress over my head.
This isn't me I sighed,
Before he stuck his tongue inside.
Softly, slowly he kissed me,
As if my mouth was the only place to be. 
I don't even know you I fretted,
As certain parts of me wetted.
I decided to make an exception,
As I timorously stroked his erection.
I will regret this when we are finished,
With my dignity diminished. 
Later, I'll tend to my self esteem.
For now, thanks for making me scream.

Alisha Bourland
Call me a dirty old man but I love this in its entirety and in its encapsulation. There is innocent/ informed intent here. Do I know this girl? See what I mean? Generic. Critique wise,  no line by line as it flows almost without fault...though I could ask for the punctuation to be improved beyond the spontaneous (ie, were you writing this whilst being rogered?) expression of abandonment. After all, this is a poetry site, not a peep show. So, capitalising starts of lines when unnecessary is unnecessary and very confusing.
The "I don't even know you I fretted line" is hopeless and loses rhythm almost like a catholic contraceptive. It NEEDS punctuation.
Overall, though, a great piece of selfless sexpression. Can you follow it?
Great restart on the site for a returning pilgrim(ess?) Alisha. I mean...who the hell wrote this? Help.
Best,
tectak
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Messages In This Thread
thank you - by kingmicahde - 06-05-2015, 07:56 AM
RE: thank you - by tectak - 06-06-2015, 03:20 AM
RE: thank you - by poppoetry - 06-06-2015, 05:11 AM



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