brand new poet, be gentle

[Observer]

After a few readings, I think that the main point of criticism I have is your somewhat unusual use of enjambment. If you didn't know, it is the term given to parts of a poem where one line follows straight into the next without pause. Due to the lack of punctuation at the end of the first, fifth, and thirteenth lines, I found that reading the poem aloud caused the rhythm to be thrown off a little. I'm not sure if you intended to use enjambment or not, but considering you are otherwise sticking quite solidly to the sonnet form I would suggest adding punctuation such as commas to the ends of the fifth and thirteenth lines. A colon would work quite well for the first line too, and add some interesting punctuation.
Otherwise, I enjoyed reading it. I thought that some of the rhymes you've been able to create work very well without being forced, such as "him" and "hymn".