06-06-2015, 12:38 AM
I am a novice as well so take my advice with a grain of salt. I just joined the site and have yet to post my first poem.
However, these are my thoughts.
I read it out loud 5-6x and was struggling to get the rhythm of it. I couldn't exactly recreate the way you wanted to words to flow and a few times I got hung up where I had to reread. Specifically at "The early morning call,
Birdsong at dawn,
Dew on the ground,
The day rises."
However, I really liked the way it felt like it went through your day to the ending, realizing time is precious. I would be curious to hear what you were trying to convey to understand if I interpreted it correctly. Thanks for posting!
However, these are my thoughts.
I read it out loud 5-6x and was struggling to get the rhythm of it. I couldn't exactly recreate the way you wanted to words to flow and a few times I got hung up where I had to reread. Specifically at "The early morning call,
Birdsong at dawn,
Dew on the ground,
The day rises."
However, I really liked the way it felt like it went through your day to the ending, realizing time is precious. I would be curious to hear what you were trying to convey to understand if I interpreted it correctly. Thanks for posting!