Lunch With Father

[buildthestars]

I dreamed I had lunch with my dead father, you want a period here instead of a comma
he talked of this and that, and everything, maybe spoke instead of talked?
and even when hearing nothing told me something. i don't really like this line, it doesn't evoke much.

After the potato soup sprinkled with salt, was sprinkled
after the warm corn bread muffins with butter, actually, i think you should just lose these two lines, they're irrelevant
he told me secrets—
how there is warmth under crusted snow; i like this
how someone will always be waiting for me,i love this line
even the venders at a farmer’s market,
the ones in straw hats who sell clingstone peaches
with all their promises of flavor;vendors* also, i think you focus on this too much
but especially how the earth bears all things,
even my sadness.not really fond of the ending of this

I like the idea, but I really think that you could make this more powerful by with stronger imagery and metaphors.