06-04-2015, 04:58 PM
Nameless, shapeless, faceless,
society's blood red chestnut blight.
Darkness envelopes and coddles,
even moonlight ignores his plight.
Earthy mulch smudged tatters,
neglected gazettes, rested head.
Blanket wriggles and scuttles,
inky plume-lined feather bed.
Vacant corpse, decaying tree,
a meager voiceless hermit.
A withering rose of consciousness,
once sown amongst the vermin.
When I read it out loud.. I don't feel like it flows off the tongue.
I envy your writing tho.
I am new to poetry as well. This poem seems like you put a lot of work into it. Which I think can be a good thing and a bad thing. I just want it to flow more. It feels too structured.
But again.. I am new to poetry. What do i know
Please dont take offence to this. I really enjoyed it.
society's blood red chestnut blight.
Darkness envelopes and coddles,
even moonlight ignores his plight.
Earthy mulch smudged tatters,
neglected gazettes, rested head.
Blanket wriggles and scuttles,
inky plume-lined feather bed.
Vacant corpse, decaying tree,
a meager voiceless hermit.
A withering rose of consciousness,
once sown amongst the vermin.
When I read it out loud.. I don't feel like it flows off the tongue.
I envy your writing tho.
I am new to poetry as well. This poem seems like you put a lot of work into it. Which I think can be a good thing and a bad thing. I just want it to flow more. It feels too structured.
But again.. I am new to poetry. What do i know
Please dont take offence to this. I really enjoyed it.