Dreams Edit 1

[Rederex]

Hello Rederex,

I feel that your habit of capitalizing the first word of each line confounds
some issues with punctuation. You need to punctuate after ‘relived, voices, cheek.’
You don’t need that comma after ‘temperament.’ This line is an inversion and
has odd syntax: ‘These dreams of my making, they do caress.’
You need a period after ‘reason.’

There are more, but you may want to review your content before sorting them out.
To be honest, this poem reveals very little about the nature of your dreams or how they affect you.
The poem comes off thusly: I want to write a rhyming poem about dreaming.
I shall lay down the rhymes as a scaffold and assemble the lines around them.

This piece is mainly abstraction with little concrete imagery, from the very title to the last word ‘mortality’.
One might say, this is rhyme without reason. I would take a particular dream
and share it, interpret it, all in the absence of rhyme. Then you can ask if your poem
would benefit from the device. If so, work on your rhymes.

See what others have to say. Good luck with your next edit! /Chris

Hey ChristopherSea,

Thanks for the feedback, especially your grammatical observations. I think I am being complicated the the point that meaning is lost, This is probably an explanation for why it seems bland. I shall look at making the literary relationships more explicit.

Thanks, Rederex