06-04-2015, 11:53 AM
I enjoyed reading this because it made me picture the pleasant spring time scene. It was a nice little story of a tradition.
I thought the use of "dads" was out of place, as you used "mothers" later on (as opposed to "moms", "moms" and "dads" go together but "mothers" and "fathers" go together. ), especially since your poem sounds old fashioned and "dad" sounds very informal. However I can see why you would need to use it, it rhymes.
I like the last two lines because they make a nice conclusion and complete the poem well. "sing and weave round about,
until the pattern reached the ground." does not suggest that the fun of the holiday is ending, but only that the maypole is beautifully complete.
I thought the use of "dads" was out of place, as you used "mothers" later on (as opposed to "moms", "moms" and "dads" go together but "mothers" and "fathers" go together. ), especially since your poem sounds old fashioned and "dad" sounds very informal. However I can see why you would need to use it, it rhymes.
I like the last two lines because they make a nice conclusion and complete the poem well. "sing and weave round about,
until the pattern reached the ground." does not suggest that the fun of the holiday is ending, but only that the maypole is beautifully complete.