paint on the mirror

[DivineMsEmm]

Hi there! I have read this piece over and over, and it reminds me of one of my own. The point of view is stellar - but I think it could be even stronger.
The language can really tighten up if you delete articles such as "the" and "and" and "or" - tighten up those lines, shrink the length and it can be TIGHT.

So here I go with my suggestions -

Title - Paint on the Mirror - perfect. Keep it. Since this is the title, there isn't a need to repeat it as the first line.

If you don't mind, I'd like to trim and show what I mean. - Please see below

first poem here.

paint on the mirror

drink in my hand
a hand on my waist
the world was spinning
door closing behind me?

why is there paint on the mirror...
hands are on me
and i am moving away
don't know him
don't like him but
he didn’t really
care

and there was paint in the mirror
he was taking my clothes off
scrape the paint off the mirror

didn’t that bother him
his hands bothered my skin
but i was drunk
and he was strong
there’s paint on the mirror
he’s inside
there’s paint on the mirror
there’s paint on the mirror
my hands push his chest
stop
stop
he won’t
there’s paint on the mirror
there’s paint on the mirror
why is
there paint
on the
mirror

there are no mirrors in my house
everyone asks why
i tell them

"there was paint on the mirror"

I think putting this piece into present tense will make it a lot stronger. It brings the reader into the middle of the tension, the middle of the pain, the middle of the scene - some of the lines in the original were unnecessary, so I took them out to pull the tension tighter.

The repetition of "there's paint on the mirror" is beautiful because of the odd number of words, but even number of syllables - there's an eerie feeling there, as well as a rhythm that thinks it's comfortable, but in reality it's not. The rhythm is forced, much like the subject matter and it works beautifully.

Keep tightening it up, the focus on the paint is brilliant, because it really helps the reader understand the speaker's physical and emotional pain. Well Done.