Bus Routes As Origami

[ChristopherSea]

Hello Municipal Alchemist,

I hope you don’t take exception to me saying that your poetry style is very reminiscent
of Language Poetry. Leanne gave a perceptive summary of Language Poet’s avante garde trends
in her reflection: ‘the twisted syntax challenges me by creating lots of ambiguities.’
Accordingly, it is difficult to connect all of the images, but I do like the splattering of metaphors
that you cast down the page.

I have a few observations that you may or may not find helpful for your next edit. With this particular piece
your use of white space and geometry is curiously restricted to the first stanza alone. I think you
could do some more with the other stanzas similarly. This may give the piece more of a concrete geometry (Euclidean perhaps  )
that is suggestive of an origami fold.

Also, I don’t think you need those two articles in the first strophe. You have not used them thereafter
and  ‘infinite folds trace – patchwork - crease - synapse across page - brings corners together’
may well flow better without them.

I enjoyed the rhymes (slants) and alliteration in the second half of the piece (streets/seat; tie/line/side/sign).
This makes their absence in the first half a bit glaring. You may want to consider adding one.

You have used 'crease' and 'fold' multiple times. Have you considered other synonyms that may provide
alternate sonics and/or meaning? I like 'groove, pleat and rumple.' I may have more to say upon subsequent reads.

Welcome to the site and thanks for sharing your work./Chris