closed lids

[Leah S.]

Closed lids
It darkens when you leave the room; in me, The syntax produces "leave in me" instead of the intended "darkens in me." Inversion is the culprit I believe.
and though the sun's light beams through latticed blind,
I feel a colder singularity, Refer back to first line: the forced rhyme produces a doggerel-ish pronunciation of 'singularity.'
that's limp and lays impotent in my mind. Lies. (It lies; I lay it.)
The bottom sheet lays on the hardwood floor; Ditto. The problem arises because the formation of the past tense is peculiar. Lay requires both a subject and an object, so it would be correct to say "I lay the sheet on the floor." But if there is no object then the sheet lies down all by itself.
it holds the tears that no one saw me shed.
I sleep with one eye  looking at the door.
and hope you'd  knock but no, the door is dead.
It's hard to resurrect and shine like spring
when strings lay cut and all one's guilt ebbs out. Lie. At least you are consistent. Strings of what? the metaphor is obscure (possibly a puppet, but it only comes to mind because it's a cliché) and therefore surreal. (Leaking strings?)
When one is lost and can no longer bring
a friendship to the fore, except in doubt. Nice line.
It's then she knocks, unlocks to sidle in
and drag me back; her warmth destroys my sin. Drag you back from where? You lay on the floor on the bottom sheet the last I heard, although how you got there is left for the reader's speculation.

I hate to do this to you, but......Chart:
Infinitive    Definition         Present    Past    Past Participle    Present Participle
to lay      to put or place     lay(s)      laid     laid                  laying
something down
to lie     to rest or recline    lie(s)       lay      lain                  lying