05-29-2015, 05:35 PM
hi and welcome to poetry. the newer we are to poetry the easier it is to learn 
it feels very full, too full. the titles tells us it's about a garden but really it's about a dead hermit. get something about him into poem earlier than the last verse. use your title wisely, at present the poem feels to much of an automated scroll quality that is throwing out words. loosen up keep how would you want a poet to write it if you were the dead hermit.
good effort on the rhymes; try and redo hemit/vermin.
here is a link on what meter is and how to use it, [done by our admin Leanne] it can take some working out but is worth the effort
it feels very full, too full. the titles tells us it's about a garden but really it's about a dead hermit. get something about him into poem earlier than the last verse. use your title wisely, at present the poem feels to much of an automated scroll quality that is throwing out words. loosen up keep how would you want a poet to write it if you were the dead hermit.
good effort on the rhymes; try and redo hemit/vermin.
here is a link on what meter is and how to use it, [done by our admin Leanne] it can take some working out but is worth the effort
(05-28-2015, 10:07 AM)BlowMyWadsworth Wrote: Very new to poetry, but extremely open to criticism!
In the Abandoned Garden
Nameless, shapeless, faceless,
society's blood red chestnut blight.
Darkness envelopes and coddles,
even moonlight ignores his plight. his? who is his?
Earthy mulch smudged tatters,
neglected gazettes, rested head.
Blanket wriggles and scuttles,
inky plume-lined feather bed. it read a bit list-like, try and humanize the poem make us feel something about it emotionally
Vacant corpse, decaying tree, what is a cant corpse?
a meager voiceless hermit. he's voiceless now, he's dead; why meagre,
A withering rose of consciousness,
once sown amongst the vermin.