05-27-2015, 02:33 PM
Two new edits:
The earlier, basically an edit for brevity's sake. The latter, a (re)expansion of the poem -- I find the general lack of sense in "real and steady / in their motives" and "washing away my steady / never failing faith" as enhancing the dreamlike spirit of the poem. I also returned the inversion on the third line (although with a big clean up compared to the very first draft): I find putting "I slow down" at the end really slows down the rhythm there.
The earlier, basically an edit for brevity's sake. The latter, a (re)expansion of the poem -- I find the general lack of sense in "real and steady / in their motives" and "washing away my steady / never failing faith" as enhancing the dreamlike spirit of the poem. I also returned the inversion on the third line (although with a big clean up compared to the very first draft): I find putting "I slow down" at the end really slows down the rhythm there.