May Day, M'aide. edit 0.01 ella,todd, erthona

[ellajam]

The sun has lost; the gloss of day
has weathered into grieving gloom.
Wind-whipped, the ravens scull the air;
a raucous ride on swell of storm.
I wouldn't change a thing here except the semicolon, beautiful start.

Against glass-grey, great clouds parade, Not a fan of the grey/great combo.
plucked and unravelled from below
by fussing fingers' nervous tugs. This made me stop to imagine and resulted in a clear image, I'd cut the period.
Until threadbare, the bladders burst
to stain the thin horizon's line. Thin is weak, it's hard to imagine a thick one.

Pollen smokes from rape fields flailed,
near swathed by hail. Too early
for the seed to form, grim farmers eye
the acres lost and sigh;
familiar though the sight may be,
this May Day makes a memory.This line reads weak although I cannot articulate why.

tectak
May 2015

Thanks for a good read, Tom, I hope the notes help a bit.