05-21-2015, 03:46 PM
I've reworked this taking into consideration all the fine crit you all have given me. I know I have not been able to address every point even though I found each valid. I've stolen bits and am trying out a whole line from milo, and Tom might recognize a suggestion he made long ago. I tried to dump most of the enjambment but sometimes that just begat enjambment. I wasn't able to cut the detested "grand", but I hope it works a little better.
River, I found it hardest to implement your suggestions, if I don't ever manage to in this poem I surely will take them into the next, your time was not wasted.
As always, all crit on the edit is much appreciated.
River, I found it hardest to implement your suggestions, if I don't ever manage to in this poem I surely will take them into the next, your time was not wasted.
As always, all crit on the edit is much appreciated.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips