05-21-2015, 04:24 AM
(05-20-2015, 12:28 AM)Barbito Wrote: I will take the persona to be female, because of the emotional dependency portrayed in the whole of the poem. I could illustrate them but I will get to the real item.You are definitely not wrong! My inspiration was my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. He was obsessed with me, and i tried to go along with it, but he was really mentally messed up and it got to the point where i was sacrificing my own health whenever he needed me. When i broke up with him, he chased me and yelled things at me for 20 minutes. At that point, i knew i was totally and wholly OUT of love with him. Anyway, your interpretation was pretty darn close. hanks for the feedback
The poem flows, chronology of things happening and emotionally development is well done but I think it is a bit more of a prose to small degree.( just saying, this can be negligible) consider this linessure that your love would go on forever
and maybe yours did.,
the dead stems in my hands,
I tried to pull back.
Shortening those lines and others may improve the poem and its tone.
I enjoyed to read it a lot. And I would like to know what was your inspiration? The persona(supposedly a girl) is the one with "issues" in this kind of relationship because of the empty promises
"the dead stems in my hands, , disappointed she
I tried to pull back.. But the boy is in total control of her that she wants to be free.
for ever wanting to be
free.
She finally finds her a way to be free,
I hit the cold cement,
unable to fake attraction anymore
and I seem to have
broken my trust
I think she did something to upset him, and there he too felt fed up.
I feel am totally wrong in this interpretation. Get me to your truck, and shade more light
Sometimes I feel like writing poetry and sometimes I watch Netflix. No judging.

