05-21-2015, 01:52 AM
"She is the Starry Twins, called Gemini,"
Are you not aware that Gemini is two twin brothers?
"In Greek and Roman mythology, Castor and Pollux or Polydeuces were twin brothers, together known as the Dioskouri. Their mother was Leda, but Castor was the mortal son of Tyndareus, the king of Sparta, and Pollux the divine son of Zeus, who seduced Leda in the guise of a swan. Though accounts of their birth are varied, they are sometimes said to have been born from an egg, along with their twin sisters and half-sisters Helen of Troy and Clytemnestra.
In Latin the twins are also known as the Gemini or Castores. When Castor was killed, Pollux asked Zeus to let him share his own immortality with his twin to keep them together, and they were transformed into the constellation Gemini." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castor_and_Pollux
So, as the basic premiss of the poem appears to be inaccurate, I don't see there is much reason to proceed further with the critique. One other note though, just because the Latin word "Gemini" appears singular to you, does not mean you can refer to it by the singular pronoun of "she". Gemini is a constellation composed of stars, what similar objects is "she" composed of. Plus the symbol of the constellation is of twins, which is plural, not singular.
I would suggest in the future trying shorter and less complex poems and posting them in novice or mild until you have progressed some.
Oh yes, as someone has said. Capping every line was a typesetting thing which became no longer needed and people realized it also made the reading easier to use punctuation as normal writing does. Your readers will thank you if you drop the line capping.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
Are you not aware that Gemini is two twin brothers?
"In Greek and Roman mythology, Castor and Pollux or Polydeuces were twin brothers, together known as the Dioskouri. Their mother was Leda, but Castor was the mortal son of Tyndareus, the king of Sparta, and Pollux the divine son of Zeus, who seduced Leda in the guise of a swan. Though accounts of their birth are varied, they are sometimes said to have been born from an egg, along with their twin sisters and half-sisters Helen of Troy and Clytemnestra.
In Latin the twins are also known as the Gemini or Castores. When Castor was killed, Pollux asked Zeus to let him share his own immortality with his twin to keep them together, and they were transformed into the constellation Gemini." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castor_and_Pollux
So, as the basic premiss of the poem appears to be inaccurate, I don't see there is much reason to proceed further with the critique. One other note though, just because the Latin word "Gemini" appears singular to you, does not mean you can refer to it by the singular pronoun of "she". Gemini is a constellation composed of stars, what similar objects is "she" composed of. Plus the symbol of the constellation is of twins, which is plural, not singular.
I would suggest in the future trying shorter and less complex poems and posting them in novice or mild until you have progressed some.
Oh yes, as someone has said. Capping every line was a typesetting thing which became no longer needed and people realized it also made the reading easier to use punctuation as normal writing does. Your readers will thank you if you drop the line capping.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.