05-20-2015, 07:07 AM
I don't always put parallel paths down for revisions, because it could drive critics insane.
So from the original I wasn't sure if gingham-skirted was going to far. When I think about where the spark or force of the poem is, it might be in its negation, and maybe the tension in the horizon strophe. The only things I knew had to go were the brick and frozen element added to the clock. I've put a Rev 2A up also just to look at it, and see if it maybe puts back something that might help. This may have to sit for a bit at this point.
So from the original I wasn't sure if gingham-skirted was going to far. When I think about where the spark or force of the poem is, it might be in its negation, and maybe the tension in the horizon strophe. The only things I knew had to go were the brick and frozen element added to the clock. I've put a Rev 2A up also just to look at it, and see if it maybe puts back something that might help. This may have to sit for a bit at this point.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson